EMDR Therapy for Trauma: 7 Things I Wish I Knew

Have you ever heard about EMDR therapy for trauma?

Do you suspect that you have symptoms of PTSD or CPTSD and are looking for ways to help yourself?

Maybe one event, or a series of events, altered you forever and now you don’t feel the same.

Maybe you’ve tried talk therapy or any alternative treatment and nothing worked or lasted.

Are you considering trying out EMDR therapy?

Maybe you have booked your EMDR therapy session already and you want to be well prepared.

I get you. I was so clueless before too.

There wasn’t much I could find about personal EMDR experiences.

In this blog post, I will try to help you feel more prepared and supported throughout this journey whether you are already in the process or are still thinking about giving it a shot.

Here are 10 things I wished I had known before starting EMDR therapy for trauma.

EMDR Therapy for Trauma

It took me a while before I finally sat down to write this.

I was probably thinking, who am I to talk to about EMDR?

I’m not an expert and I’m not even done with it yet. I’ve just been having my EMDR therapy sessions for 8 months now.

I know I still have more sessions to go.

So, who am I to talk about EMDR therapy for trauma?

I am just someone who has been suffering from Complex PTSD for about 10 years, without knowing that I was suffering from it.

I think a lot of people, if not most people, have CPTSD without even knowing that they have it.

If you think you do, check out this article about the 17 Complex CPTSD Symptoms.

It’s not a good way to live. Trigger warning, I wanted to end everything.

I also tried everything I can to heal myself but nothing worked.

I told myself that seeking professional help is the last resort, and boy am I glad that I gave life another shot because EMDR therapy changed my life.

It made me realize that I could feel normal again.

I hope that more people will know that they can feel normal again, too.

If you’re thinking of seeking professional help but you’re still having second thoughts, check out my blog about the 10 reasons to go to therapy.

Does EMDR Therapy Work?

According to research, EMDR does help with emotional trauma and traumatic events.

In 12 of those studies, EMDR was able to quickly reduce the disturbance or the negative feelings associated with the unpleasant memories.

How does EMDR work

EMDR therapy for trauma works by using bilateral stimulation to desensitize memories. It’s an evidence-based treatment that helps your body get out of survival mode and back to homeostasis.

I will explain it from how I understood it from Prof. Krishna N. Sharma’s short EMDR online course.

When you have PTSD or CPTSD, your body is still living in survival mode.

This means that the body thinks that the threat is still present, making you hypervigilant instead of living and enjoying the present moment.

The bilateral stimulation helps create dual awareness, helping your body understand that the memory is in the past and you are now safe.

In your mind, you go back to the past memory and process it while the bilateral stimulation keeps you grounded in the present moment.

EMDR was first discovered by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D, as she was walking in a small lake.

She noticed that when a disturbing thought enters her mind, her eyes move from left to right and then the thought goes away.

When she does recall it again, the emotional charge is no longer there. And the rest is history.

EMDR therapy for PTSD or CPTSD

In a survey conducted with 70,000 adults from 24 countries, it was discovered that 70.4% of them had experienced at least one traumatic event in their lives.

For sure, there are so many people out there who are walking with undiagnosed PTSD or CPTSD.

As for me, I was either always on edge (fight mode), or totally paralyzed in bed (freeze mode).

It was very destructive to my life and I didn’t know how to help myself.

I was also an extreme people pleaser, to the point of self-destruction (fawning).

When you’re on fight mode, it’s exhausting. When you’re in freeze mode, it’s frustrating. When you’re fawning, you’re not living in your truth and that’s also exhausting.

With EMDR therapy, I was slowly able to get out of these states.

I started to understand that these survival modes were only trying to protect me.

Understanding these helped me gain compassion towards these protective parts, and led me to discover how to go back to being present.

Dangers of EMDR Therapy

Can EMDR make things worse? Are EMDR therapy dangers real?

I think that with a trained EMDR therapist, you are safe.

Yes, it may get worse before it starts getting better.

You may have depression after an EMDR session.

I think that healing from the root cause is hard.

Revisiting traumatic events is hard but it’s harder to stay the same and keep those wounds unattended.

Reprocessing your past is hard but constantly living in a state of hypervigilance is harder.

Choose your hard, right?

7 Things I Wish I Knew Before Starting EMDR Therapy for Trauma

Without further ado, here are the 7 things I wish I had known before starting EMDR Therapy for trauma:

1: It will take time

If you’re suffering from Complex PTSD, your trauma list is going to be pretty long.

You will go through this list chronologically because you have to start from the root first.

Normally, we absorb limiting beliefs based on past events and we carry that with us consciously or subconsciously.

These negative beliefs then attract similar negative experiences and we get stuck in this cycle of retraumatizing ourselves over and over.

When we start with the oldest traumas first, in my experience, it would sometimes have a domino effect and resolve a huge chunk of other traumas.

So don’t try to rush it.

2: Find the right therapist

Finding the right therapist for you is so important because you need to feel safe and comfortable.

Without these two, you will not be able to process your traumas properly.

Healing is not possible without a sense of safety.

You have to work with someone you will be able to be vulnerable and honest with.

For me, I did EMDR online. I got lucky and immediately found a good match. We would hop on a call twice a month.

Just a simple Google search (EMDR therapy near me) comes a long way.

Don’t be frustrated and know that this can also be a trial and error process.

3: It’s not going to be easy

Facing your past, facing the things that scare you, is not easy.

Most people spend their lives trying to avoid these.

They numb themselves with social media, alcohol, drugs, video games, and sex because they want to only feel good.

But sitting with your feelings is the only way to heal and release.

“You need to feel it to heal it.”

Let the emotions flow like river. It’s your right to feel.

That’s why were given a range of emotions.

Stop shoving them inside your body, it will wreak havoc on your health eventually.

Let yourself feel without guilt and shame. You deserve to express them too.

Have you ever felt better after crying?

Exactly.

So don’t be afraid to face your wounds. It only stings at first but the healing is worth it.

4: Trust your therapist

Once you’ve found the right therapist, trust the process. Trust that your therapist knows best.

I remember at first, I was so frustrated that we weren’t going straight to reprocessing.

However, I realized that preparation is important because going back to traumatic memories is hard.

They need to teach you techniques to help you go back to calmness and safety when something gets too hard to process.

If you’re like me, who dissociated a lot, grounding techniques help you go back to the present moment.

When they say, “Let’s try the reprocessing for 5 minutes for now”, trust that you need to slowly build up your capacity to handle this difficult process.

That’s why it’s important to find a therapist that you feel is the right fit and whose credentials you can trust. So you can trust and let go.

5: Don’t push yourself too hard

Honestly, you will need a LOT of rest. This is something that I had to accept.

If you are doing EMDR therapy and you feel so tired after, please share your story in the comments!

My therapist told me that sometimes, nothing comes up, and that’s okay.

Also, if it’s getting too much you can take a pause.

You have to know that each session is productive, even if you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything in that session.

Everytime you sit on that chair or face your laptop (For online EMDR), you are taking a step towards your healing.

Yes, sometimes it feels like a micro step but it all compunds.

Sometimes you might even take two steps back but trust that you’ll take 3-5 steps forward again.

6: Make sure you’re in a safe space in your life

Without safety, you will be in survival mode. I repeat:

You can’t heal yourself when you’re in an environment or life situation where you don’t feel safe.

It’s the minimum requirement or pre-requisite, I would say.

The reason it’s called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is that you are already out of that traumatic event but your body is still stuck in survival mode.

It’s not PTSD if you’re still in a dangerous or stressful situation because that’s where our survival mechanisms are useful.

Our survival mechanisms only become disruptive when you are in a safe space already and have no use for it.

Then, you go through life not really living but just trying to survive without any real threats.

For you to heal CPTSD or PTSD, you need to be in a safe space.

Healing is not possible when survival is needed. It’s like trying to clean and disinfect your wounds while being chased by a tiger.

7: It’s gonna cost you

EMDR therapy is valuable and the therapists have to take intensive training to be able to get this license. It’s gonna have a price.

To be honest, the price is not much different compared to traditional talk therapies.

I know that a lot of people cannot afford this and that’s one of the sad realities of life.

But let’s rephrase that.

Some people cannot afford therapy at the moment.

I suggest that being able to afford this treatment becomes one of the inspirations in creating stability in your life.

Live below your means. If you could only see you therapist once a month, that’s already better than nothing.

As you start healing, even slowly, you may start releasing limiting beliefs and attracting more abundance in your life.

Should EMDR be done weekly?

Personally, I recommend that you have your EMDR sessions every 2 weeks to have ample time to rest and recover.

I have made peace with the fact that I’ll probably feel so tired days or weeks after sessions.

At first, I used to do weekly EMDR sessions but I noticed that it was so exhausting for me.

Your brain continues to process the memories days or weeks after the sessions.

Having them every 2 weeks gives me ample time to process and recover in between.

This gives me some time to go back to baseline and live life.

Healing involves realizing that you deserve to enjoy life, however imperfect your present circumstances may be.

I read a line from this Laurel Therapy blog post that rest is part of the healing, and I felt so much better after having read that.

So, please remember that rest is productive and it’s part of your healing journey.

Is it normal to feel exhausted after EMDR?

There are no studies yet that I know of about this but I will try to explain it in my own experience.

Do you know how studying for an exam makes you feel exhausted?

Using your mind to unlearn and learn new things is exhausting.

I suggest that you read the book Rewire Your Brain about neuroplasticity.

When reprocessing, your brain has to unwire your previous neural connections (Negative beliefs associated with the trauma) and form new, positive ones.

That’s what EMDR does to your brain.

“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” – Donald Hebb

FAQ

What is the EMDR tapping?

When one finds a hard time doing the eye movement bilateral stimulation, your therapist may suggest tapping your knees instead, alternating from left to right.

How much does EMDR therapy cost?

EMDR Therapy cost varies depending on your location. The best way to know for sure is to inquire with an EMDR therapist near you.

Can you do EMDR on yourself?

It is not recommended to do EMDR on yourself. It’s better to seek help from a trained therapist for support and safety. You may try bilateral stimulation exercises for regulating your nervous system but not EMDR for trauma.

Is EMDR therapy for anxiety as well?

EMDR therapy can help treat anxiety. According to the EMDR International Association website, anxiety is our body’s internal alarm against danger. EMDR can help us uncover what kind of danger it’s trying to help you avoid.

Why is EMDR so controversial?

EMDR is so controversial because most people find it hard to believe that something as simple as moving your eye from left to right has the capacity to change someone’s life.

Conclusion

Those are the the things I wish I had known before starting EMDR therapy for trauma.

EMDR is still not widely popular or accepted so there are no guidelines yet on how you can go about this journey.

The things I mentioned here are just things I learned along the way.

I just think that it would’ve been better if I had known these things beforehand.

I would’ve felt less clueless!

Have you ever tried EMDR therapy? Which of these tips did you find useful? Or maybe you are still thinking about trying it for the first time. Let me know in the comments!